Ways to Communicate (November 2010)

Communicating with our partners is the most essential task we have as mentors! There are only two ways to communicate; verbal or non-verbal. Both ways can be powerful tools that establish, reinforce and transfer information about ourselves, our experience and our knowledge.

Often, when working in non-US environments, we have to pay special attention to the verbal and non-verbal communication of our partners. Different cultures have different ways of looking at similar things.

For example, hand and eye gestures can mean totally different things to people of different cultures. The clicking of the tongue, flick of the chin, or personal space as often misread by those not familiar with the cultures and traditions.

What can be seen as familiarity in western society can be seen as an affront to tradition, religion or cultural norms in another society.

How well we communicate will often determine our success on a daily basis and have a major impact on our long-term progress with our partners.

Even in a familiar, or similar culture, there are may be unintended slights that lead to serious consequences when we do not pay attention to common sense actions when dealing with our partners in their environment. Often we are the one from outside the environment, looking in and trying to accommodate the needs of our partners with realistic training and work experiences that will benefit both the partner and their organization.

In order to help with our communication, here are some simple reminders (courtesy of Lee Mun Wah, Stir-Fry Seminars) that can be used as we leverage our productivity as mentors.

1. Reflect back what is being said. Use their words, not yours.
2. Begin where they are, not where you want them to be.
3. Be curious and open to what they are trying to say.
4. Notice what they are saying and what they are not.
5. Emotionally relate to how they are feeling. Nurture the relationship.
6. Notice how you are feeling. Be honest and authentic.
7. Take responsibility for your part in the communication.
8. Try to understand how their past affects who they are and how those experiences affect their relationship with you.
9. Stay with the process and the relationship, not just the solution.

MENTORING TIP FROM THE FIELD

“I think developing (a) relationship is key to my success in Afghanistan. It is the relationships I have, with not only the Afghans, but the military, Coalition Forces and the civilian population as well. You must understand the Afghan culture in order to take the subject matter expertise you have, “Afghanize” that expertise, and nurture that “Afghanized” doctrine into practice within the Afghanistan _________________.”

“Continual communication, constant improvement, learning one new thing about my partner, his challenges, or my mentoring responsibilities every day, while building upon our professional relationship (mutual trust and respect) … even in small chunks.”